Releasing the Addiction to Ejaculatory Orgasm

Like most men, I developed most of my sexual habits in my teenage years based on sitting on my compute, watching porn for hours at a time, and jerking off. This lead me to associate sexual pleasure with ejaculation. That became the whole focal point of my initial masturbation sessions, but also during sex with a partnerin the future as well and that sex became all about just an ejaculation. In the middle of sexI would be like “yeah this feels good, this is great but I really want to get to this ejaculatory orgasm because that’s going to feel even better.” It’s kind of this instant gratifications like “I want everything right now mindset”, that kind of plagues our modern world.

When I started learning Sexual Kung Fu practices, which was initially from studying Mantak Chia’s books, then I found some teachers to study with as well, there was a little bit of a process of kind of overcoming the feeling that I need to ejaculate to end a sexual session whether that was again, by myself or with a partner because, what happens is during sexual activity you’re building all this pressure in the genitals, you’re building this arousal. For men, our sexual energy is very fire, very volatile and we need to be able to balance it to be able to hold that charge in our body. So, basically because I hadn’t done a lot of work to prepare my body to handle this increase in aroused sexual energy, it was difficult for me to contain this feeling of arousal. Like at the end of the session I would feel kind of edgy, I feel like I need to ejaculate, I want more and more to ejaculate. So I often would ejaculate at the end in the beginning. But what I found was that, as I was learning the techniques to draw the sexual energy out of the genitals which is really the heart of Sexual Kung Fu as far as sexual techniques which is bringing all that pressure, all that sexual energy out of the genitals and opening up the body so it contain this energy and turn it into another form, this form of energy that you can use later.

 I started to have some sessions where I would walk away at the end not having ejaculated because I was using these drawing techniques to pull the energy out of my genitals to move it through the microcosmic orbit, the pathways of the body, and to store it in my belly at the end. And I remember at the end of these sessions I felt really good because it’s like when you’re having sex or you’re masturbating whatever, as you approach that point of no return, your arousal is high, your sexual energy is high. You feel pretty amazing often, you feel just this pulsing, pleasurable, sexual energy. You’re in a state of orgasm on a subtle level at that point. Then you’re tempted to go over the edge and ejaculate because you want it to feel better. You want to feel this release and so you hit that point and it feels good. It may intensify more or maybe it stays about the same as it did right before that point for about five maybe 10 seconds at the most. Then what happens you feel a bit deflated. It’s kind of a letdown after such a feeling of high energy, high arousal, high desire and then you’re just kind of like “okay, now what am I going to do, I can’t continue with that, I can’t have another orgasm right now and I kind of have to recover”.

 I remember that I started to feel really bummed out by that feeling. The feeling like you’ve lost something often after you’re ejaculating frequently, and when I walked away from a session not having ejaculated, having stored  that energy in my body, I felt amazing. I still had desire, still had some sexual desire but I was able to put it into other things and that desire started to drive me throughout the day. I felt creative. I was a musician so I’d be working on music projects. I’d had all these creative ideas just effortlessly flowing out of me. I’d feel confident when I went out into the world, I just felt charged up and having that experience gave me a whole different perspective on what it really means to ejaculate at the end of the session and how that temptation often leads to disappointment to experience a little bit of intensified pleasure for only five seconds at the cost of feeling strong and confident and charged up for the rest of the day or maybe even for a few days depending how depleted you are. It just didn’t seem to be a very good trade off anymore.

In my training sessions or, again where I was practicing playing with my sexual energy, there would still be that temptation to just ejaculate at the end. I would still do it occasionally, and when I did, it just didn’t feel good. I was disappointed that there wasn't even that much more pleasure, and now I’d lost my semen and I had to start over and wait for a few days to do this again. Maybe there just became a point where it was like “it’s just not worth it anymore”. Whenever I had a temptation to ejaculate, I just thought of "well how am I going to feel after that? How am I going to feel for the next 48 or 72 hours after that? I’m not going to feel as high energy as I do right now."  This made me develop this kind of mindset around seeing the bigger picture of things. Being able to see things in the long term and not just cave into immediate, short-term pleasure. I think it’s the same as like having a kind of an eating addiction or something like that, and I don’t want to put ejaculation in the same category because obviously this is a beautiful process of nature. It’s what allows creating life and its part of our human experience. It’s part of the endocrine system and ejaculating occasionally is not a problem, it’s when you abuse this bodily process just to get a little bit of a dopamine hit that becomes a serious problem for your emotional, physical mental health.

What I found was that the more I trained in the foundational practices of sexual energy work and sexual kung fu, the foundational practices being preparing the body for this sexual energy, qijong exercises, breath work, meditation to open up the energy channels, to clear out blockages, clear out negative energies...the more I did this type of preparatory work which I overlooked in the beginning. In the beginning I just wanted to go straight to the sexual energy practices. Moving the aroused sexual energy through the body because I had skipped this foundational work in the beginning, I wasn’t having as much success in my practices as I could have been. Meaning that it was more difficult for me to draw this sexual energy out of my genitals. It was more difficult for me to feel content with not ejaculating and so on. And once I really went deep into the sexual kung fu training systems, I started a daily qigong practice. Learned how to ground my energy, open up the channels, still my mind, balance my energy, open up my microcosmic orbit and to do breath work and all these things.

That’s when the sexual energy practices became pretty effortless. And that’s when I lost interest in ejaculating frequently because I felt so good not just for my practice but then I was having a sexual experience it became more drawn out. That’s the thing with sexual kung fu exercises. It’s like instead of just being content with this five to ten seconds ejaculatory orgasm which for most men sex lasts a few minutes. When I started sexual kung fu techniques, you learn to draw that intensity out into much longer durations to where you’re riding this waves of full body bliss, full body orgasmic experience. It’s not exactly having an ejaculatory orgasm over and over but it’s a more sustained state of orgasm that doesn’t end in a release of your energy. And this is another thing men really get hung up on is the fact that they need to release.

This is what the ejaculatory orgasm is. It’s a release of energy. If you release your energy too much you’re going to have nothing left and so men often abuse this. And so when you go to have a non-ejaculatory sexual experience, there’s no release. You haven’t lost anything. You’ve built more; you’ve built more of an energetic charge. So, if your system is not really open to handle that then you may be uncomfortable with that intensified energy.  So, for you to remedy may be to ejaculate more frequently or to do more of the foundational work to really open up the body so you can handle this higher charge of energy.  And when you become okay with the fact that at the end of a non-ejaculatory sexual session you’re still going to strong sexual desire, and to me that’s a good thing because it’s that sexual desire that drives you to create, to be successful and become more of who you are and to do something meaningful with your life. But it’s when you are uncomfortable with sexual desire. You’re uncomfortable with arousal which a lot of men are which means you’re not really transmuting your sexual energy because to really be in command of your sexual energy you’re going to have a lot of sexual desire but it doesn’t drive you. You’re comfortable with that feeling. So it starts to drive you and so this is really about being okay with sexual desire and a heightened level of sexual energy in the body versus having this impulsive need to frequently release this sexual energy outwards which is a very self-destructive patter. So it is a process for sure of transitioning out of only having ejaculatory orgasms to having this full body experience of high arousal, high desire, and high sexual energy just flooding through your channels and not getting angry and frustrated. So to wrap it up, it’s a process of learning more about your body, learning how to open it up , learning how to make sex and orgasm experience that’s not just limited to your genitals alone and being able to see the bigger picture.